I'm not looking forward to winter.

This has been on my mind for months.  

Confession... Reflection.  Either or. 

It's officially winter in the high peaks.  Late summer and fall really held on as long as they could, and even on a nice walk to Ouzel Falls today, there was a little snow and ice to walk on after the first dumping but it was warm enough to wear just long sleeves.  When the wind picked up and the sun went down, I inevitably thought about how much I miss warm weather when it leaves each time.

I'm not looking forward to winter.  Many of my friends are posting skiing photos this week captioned with excitement about the upcoming winter season.  My ideal mountain season is anytime I feel the warm sun on my skin, and a breeze that cools me off as I walk with ease UP the peak with the power of my own two legs.  Come winter if the snowpack is hard enough, I can walk right on top of the crusty layer, but then falling through waist deep snow is inevitable.  Snow up high is supposed to mean skiing down the big peaks, not constantly sinking in trying to go up them.  So, my kind of mountain conditions are over until June.  Winter means my anxiety, nerves, and insecurities come back as I try to learn to make it down the mountain on skis for another winter.

It's really hard when the people you love to spend your time with are near expert skiers and you (let's just put it bluntly out there) suck at it.  I know it isn't my fault that I didn't grow up on ski hills in Iowa, but it's really hard to not let it bring me down each year when winter comes around.  I know that I have the determination and ability to eventually figure it out, but while I'm still learning -- throughout the massive learning curve that it is --  I let my insecurities get the best of me.  I don't want to be good at everything, that's not what I'm wishing for here; I already pretty much gave up on distance trail running because I know my body just doesn't feel the best when I do it.  But I see the disappointment in my friends' eyes when they start talking about big ski endeavors planned for this winter, and they realize afterwards that I'm in that conversation too and won't be able to join them or be excited about it the way they are.  I can't share in this part of my friends' lives that they love so much, and that's what hurts and brings me down.  Most things in life you can just learn about and be enthused about alongside your friends (like watching football on TV), but skiing takes actual SKILL and you have to do it, not just watch it or talk about it.  I just want to be able to ski down the terrain with my friends without the mental pep talk of "just don't cry, just don't cry," every time, or hold them back from the blacks they crave because I can just hardly handle the blues.  I have to try so hard every single time I make it down a run, and think about every single move and stance I have to do -- just so I don't look like an awkward starfish trying not to die.  I've appreciated the kind words of support and encouragement from those who've witnessed any part of my journey, but I'm a summer girl through and through, and I'm super super sad my season is over.  So... I'm not looking forward to winter.

This might be the last day hike I take without full on snow boots and gaiters on.  So I had to do one last thing that I can claim being good at while I still could.  And that's plank.

Ch-ch-ch-changes (good ones!)

Before summer, I had found out that I wouldn't be returning to teach again in the fall for the next school year.  Spring was very rough, and transitioning into summer was all about figuring out the "what's next."  I had a pretty enjoyable summer with a few summer classes mixed in with camping and climbing.  Despite the curve ball my life was thrown in the spring, it was a very easy decision for me to make the choice to return to school as a student again, this time working toward an accounting degree and eventually a masters.  I have always enjoyed school and learning, as a student and as a teacher.  Working with kids has always been my first love, and part of me still doesn't think I was ready to put that hat away and try something new this soon in my career, but I've been so excited and happy with where my new path is taking me!  I have had nothing but positive and unconditional support from friends and family with this new change, and I'm so thankful for it all.  My new routine has settled in and life is (as always) good.

This is my 4am excited ready for work face

I'm picking up my AAS in accounting from Front Range, and then on to a masters.  My fall class schedule is (dare I say?) fun!  The prospects are good, and I'm thankful for my nerdy number-oriented organized brain because I feel like after teaching, this is what I am meant to do.  Always a reassuring feeling right?  I picked up a part time job working as a breakfast cook at Embassy Suites.  This company is great, and even though my alarm goes off at 3:45am and I work up until I go to class for the rest of the day, my jam-packed schedule is manageable and enjoyable.  Instead of coming home from work with pen and marker ink all over my hands, I now go to school with pancake batter on my hands.  I get to flip made-to-order omelets for the guests right in front of them; I get to go out to the hotel garden and pick fresh herbs when we are out.  I am busy, but it is a blast.  I have also joined the mentoring program our church has with one local school in town so that I can still meet once a week to help a kiddo in need with school work and life.  The best news of all is that I only work weekdays along with school, so I still have my weekends to go escape to the mountains and play :)

This month, I also got to take my childhood best friend up a mountain!  I love having family and friends visit me from back in Iowa, especially when they say, "can we go to a big hike?!"  It's never an easy feat to come from lower elevation and hike a big mountain, but we had amazing weather, and Karla is a marathon runner back home, so we made it up without any major problems.  Anyone else want to come join next time?!

Excited to check back in later in the fall with the coming of winter.  It'll be another big learning curve with skiing on a new pair of my own skis.  I'm still the most comfortable on my own two feet, and can't wait for the snow to hit the high peaks for those crisp post card views again.  Keep an eye on my instagram @taradactyl02 where I share my favorite pictures at least weekly.  Have a great fall!