Year 3, Day 1.5: The Maiden Voyage

Like I've shared in my previous posts, I've had anxiety around learning to ski.  My first year was not so encouraging... in year two, I made a little progress... so for year three, I was hoping it would really start to feel more comfortable.  (check this past blog post: http://adventuresoftaradactyl.blogspot.com/2015/04/year-2-wrap-up-this-might-be-it.html )

Captain Obvious Observations of skiing:  1) It's difficult to catch on to;  2) It's expensive.

I had borrowed my friend Anna's skis my first year, and I had rented a pair last year.  On a teacher's salary the last few years, I couldn't afford my own gear.  This past spring, I picked out a good pair of skis that I knew I could "grow into," so to speak, and put them on layaway.  They would be longer and wider than anything I had struggled with the past two years, but I knew that in the winters to come that I wanted to be able to ski both in and out of bounds, on groomers or back country powder.  I put the final balance on my credit card, and picked them up last week.

All this past week, I just admired them sitting in the corner of my room.  I actually owned them this time!  I was excited to finally have a pair to call my own that I could learn on, but even more nervous because I didn't want to have just invested so much money into something too advanced for me.  Last week there wasn't enough snow up near Long's (my close weekend go-to hiking area) to even think about skiing, but I was determined to keep advancing and excited just to carry them on my back while I hiked up for the added weight.

In the back of my mind I was still nervous to click in for real and take a run.  Yesterday was the day to finally face any fears I was having.  Not only was I going to test them out, but I was giving skinning a go as well.

I have had many issues with my glutes and psoas muscles the last couple of years and certain exercises aggravate my muscles.  I can't work out on elliptical machines and I can't snow shoe.  I wondered if skinning would also trigger my muscles to hurt, and I was unfortunately right.  If I keep up on my chiropractic care and do dry needling to keep my muscles from seizing up, I can manage it.  I suffered through the pain to get to the top and called my doctor right away to schedule the dry needling.  After changing into dry clothes and eating a snack, I nervously clicked in and took my first run...  My "maiden voyage" if you will.

The night before it had snowed about 3 inches, so there was a beautiful layer of fluffy snow on top of the groomed run.  It was as smooth as butter.  I turned with ease and just floated down my first run.  I was so relieved.  I went down more runs.  I was in love with my new skis.  It made me so hopeful for this upcoming season.  The learning and improvements will never end, but the first day in my own set-up was a pretty good one.

I'm not looking forward to winter.

This has been on my mind for months.  

Confession... Reflection.  Either or. 

It's officially winter in the high peaks.  Late summer and fall really held on as long as they could, and even on a nice walk to Ouzel Falls today, there was a little snow and ice to walk on after the first dumping but it was warm enough to wear just long sleeves.  When the wind picked up and the sun went down, I inevitably thought about how much I miss warm weather when it leaves each time.

I'm not looking forward to winter.  Many of my friends are posting skiing photos this week captioned with excitement about the upcoming winter season.  My ideal mountain season is anytime I feel the warm sun on my skin, and a breeze that cools me off as I walk with ease UP the peak with the power of my own two legs.  Come winter if the snowpack is hard enough, I can walk right on top of the crusty layer, but then falling through waist deep snow is inevitable.  Snow up high is supposed to mean skiing down the big peaks, not constantly sinking in trying to go up them.  So, my kind of mountain conditions are over until June.  Winter means my anxiety, nerves, and insecurities come back as I try to learn to make it down the mountain on skis for another winter.

It's really hard when the people you love to spend your time with are near expert skiers and you (let's just put it bluntly out there) suck at it.  I know it isn't my fault that I didn't grow up on ski hills in Iowa, but it's really hard to not let it bring me down each year when winter comes around.  I know that I have the determination and ability to eventually figure it out, but while I'm still learning -- throughout the massive learning curve that it is --  I let my insecurities get the best of me.  I don't want to be good at everything, that's not what I'm wishing for here; I already pretty much gave up on distance trail running because I know my body just doesn't feel the best when I do it.  But I see the disappointment in my friends' eyes when they start talking about big ski endeavors planned for this winter, and they realize afterwards that I'm in that conversation too and won't be able to join them or be excited about it the way they are.  I can't share in this part of my friends' lives that they love so much, and that's what hurts and brings me down.  Most things in life you can just learn about and be enthused about alongside your friends (like watching football on TV), but skiing takes actual SKILL and you have to do it, not just watch it or talk about it.  I just want to be able to ski down the terrain with my friends without the mental pep talk of "just don't cry, just don't cry," every time, or hold them back from the blacks they crave because I can just hardly handle the blues.  I have to try so hard every single time I make it down a run, and think about every single move and stance I have to do -- just so I don't look like an awkward starfish trying not to die.  I've appreciated the kind words of support and encouragement from those who've witnessed any part of my journey, but I'm a summer girl through and through, and I'm super super sad my season is over.  So... I'm not looking forward to winter.

This might be the last day hike I take without full on snow boots and gaiters on.  So I had to do one last thing that I can claim being good at while I still could.  And that's plank.

Learning to ski: year two wrap-up

This past week in Colorado, we got dumped with a lot of heavy spring snow - much needed everywhere that it fell.  The plains were dry and dusty and the mountains were bare.  I was keeping my fingers crossed that we could get one more good snow so that I could get one more good skiing day in before spring hit for real and my second season would be over until next winter.  I'm so thirsty for time on skis, so eager to keep learning and trying.  I lament letting opportunities go by where I could have taken a ski day.  Time on skis = experience = growth = new goals.

One purpose of my blog is to also record some favorite older memories too.  This post is reflecting on my journey in learning to ski from the last two years.

Growing up in Iowa, ski hills are not abundant and it's not a popular sport to grow up doing.  There are a few around - Lacrosse, WI and Galena, IL... or if your family took a vacation to Colorado, that's all the experience you'd get.  I was a normal midwestern kid that did gymnastics, swimming, and horseback riding.  I figured hey, I was athletic, this might be hard to pick up new as an adult but I should be able to pick it up pretty easily.  Bring it on!  Well, little did I know this would be one of the most defeating learning experiences I've ever had.

This photo is from my very first time on skis in Colorado.  Look how long it took me to fall down (...not that long at all)!  For anyone that knows where this is right outside of Vail and Minturn, this was on meadow mountain.  Having my feet go fast out from under me and not knowing at all how to control myself was so scary - it felt like I was a car with no breaks.  After this experience, Jon realized that learning without having taken a formal lesson and not being in a learning setting on skis fitted for me and on groomed terrain was not a good first experience to give me.  All of my confidence quickly disappeared and I was embarrassed and insecure.  Yes I was excited to try something new, but I knew that skiing was a huge part of Jon's life and I wanted to be able to enjoy that with him.  After that heartbreaking first experience, I refused to ski with him again until I was "good enough" for him to see me.  I put a ton of pressure on myself and was too insecure to let him see me fail again.  Plus, I realized how difficult it is to have the person you're involved with be your teacher.

Shortly after, I got to go home to my parents' house for Christmas, and tried one more time to give skiing a chance.  Shout out to my old school acquaintance Mitchell Fink for being so supportive and encouraging to me - even if his words of support weren't true!  I have video evidence of that night, and I have shown a few people but that's not for the public to see :)  Picture this: you know how a toddler looks when they're first learning how to walk?  With arms out, stiff and wide stance and choppy balance?  Now, picture that on skis, and that was me.  For the rest of the 2013-2014 winter I kept trying as much as I could, but I don't think I made any ground.  I was scared to go too fast, because I figured that I could be slow and cautious, as long as I didn't fall down.  I was open and receptive to all the advice I was being given, and I understood what techniques I needed to do, but knowing it and making my body follow what it was supposed to were two very different things.

The most fun thing about this journey is that I can still pause and enjoy the beauty and glory of the mountains, and they don't care if I stink at skiing or not.

Flash forward to this season.  The memories of being disappointed in myself and all the embarrassment were still fresh, but I was approaching this learning curve with more determination than I have with anything else in my life.  My passion for the mountains, the mountain lifestyle, and being able to enjoy their many facets during any season was the drive behind it.  I couldn't let this season be anything like the last, I didn't want to be bad at it anymore!  I skied a couple of times with my good friends Tiffiny and Meredith, and finally this year there was a feeling that finally clicked.  My body listened to my head and did what I wanted it to; I felt comfortable with what was happening on the groomers and even dared to go faster than what I was comfortable with.  But of course, then a good deep snow powder day knocked me right back down to where I was.

Meredith has been such a great mentor for me.  She is so sweet, yet so adventurous.  I always find myself in challenging situations that I wouldn't normally put myself into, and asking, "why on earth am I here?!"  Cliffs, trees, moguls, black diamonds... Definitely a good push to force me into growth.  Thanks friend :)

I still have so far to go, I know this.  But I am always so excited each time I reach a new milestone in my skiing.  My first black run.  My first jump.  My first big mountain back country ski.  In two years, I have accomplished all of this!  It's hard to say if I will ever be as good as all the people I look up to, and I don't know how many pros started when they were 24 years old, but I am thinking that it's totally possible!  Here are some favorite captures and favorite moments from this past skiing season:

Shocked I landed that jump.  It was sure fun!

My first 14er ski on Antero with Jon and Anna!  It was unseasonably warm.  By next season, I'll hopefully have AT gear and can skin up instead of carrying them on my back.

This picture actually makes it look like I'm good at this.  It was great timing.  I'm still struggling!

This past weekend might have been my last ski of this year, but maybe not!  It was a great spring snow and was a great way to close winter out, but there's a chance I might get to use my pass one more time.  If not, I'll welcome summer with open arms!

Keep the faith and try new things!  It's always rewarding.